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Tick... tock... tick... tock...
Time didn’t stop for anyone. Time didn’t reverse itself for anyone. It maintained its steady forward pace, never looking back, never caring who it leaves behind. It ruled the lives of men with no end of its reign in sight. What could these beings of the flesh do? They were only mortals and could not go against its flow no matter what. But it did not make a few hopeful dreamers stop wishing for that one miracle.
And until a week ago, he hadn’t believed he would be one of those foolish men.
He steeped his hands together, placing his elbows on either lap. The clock on the bedside table continued to tick, the sound echoing in the deathly quiet room. The young man remained as still as a statue, sitting against the wooden chair. His eyes never left the slumbering woman’s gaze, daring not even to blink lest he missed something of great importance.
The bed’s occupant was still, too still to merely be asleep. But the soft rise and fall of the blanket was enough to tell anyone that she was still alive. Her chestnut hair spread around her like a brown halo against the stark white pillows. But her skin was too pale, and there were dark circles under her eyes.
The moment he saw the broken door, he knew something was terribly wrong. Nearly throwing himself into the apartment, he almost tripped over a man with a knife driven deep into his back. But that wasn’t what bothered him the most. The floor had drops of blood that came from the corpse. It led all the way to the living room, and he followed the trail with his heart sinking with each step he took.
The memories burned guilt into him. He should have been there. If he hadn’t let anger cloud his judgment earlier that day, he would have been able to prevent this from happening.
If only he had. If only he had...
“I’m sorry...”
He buried his head into his hands, feeling his eyes sting from the tears that wished to spring forth, but that he could not bring himself to allow. The memory of her fearful eyes and blood stained body would forever be etched into his mind.
Oh God. There had been so much blood...
“Physically, she’s doing better, but we can’t say the same for her state of mind. Slipping in and out of that coma, the next time she wakes might be her last.”
What use was the body if the mind would never recover? That was the hidden question in the doctor’s words. He pushed that depressing thought away, looking towards the girl in bed with such a heartbroken look on his face. She’d been so alive months back, but depression had hit hard and now cruel fate had dealt another so soon.
Alize, the lithe bundle of energy of a woman who he had grown up with... dying? He didn’t believe it the moment those words floated into his mind. He wouldn’t, not unless she herself would say it with all the seriousness she was capable of.
Please... He silently prayed. Please don’t leave me.
A shift of the blankets made him hitch in his breathing. His blue eyes watched every single movement that the bed’s occupant made. Her eyes opened to mere slits, allowing him to see a pair of hazy grey orbs staring blankly at the ceiling with barely any recognition in them. It pained him to think that she might not respond to his voice, that she would remain like this even if she manages to fully awake from her coma.
“Alize.”
That was the first word that came out of his mouth. He couldn’t stay silent for long and just watch her. He just couldn’t. It sounded so cold, so void of emotion though inside, he was furious and despairing at the same. How could he still sound so when his love was right there, the sand grains of her life running thin? She turned her head towards him. After what seemed like an eternity, those eyes slowly widened and the last vestiges of sleep fell.
“Seg...” She wordlessly mouthed the single word. She struggled to pull a bandaged arm from under the blanket, a feat that proved difficult. He saw this and reached out a hand to take hers, placing it on the blanket and rubbed it soothingly. The girl sighed, thankful. The soft patter of rain against the window mingled with the steady ticking of the clock.
“... Seg, are you mad at me?” She asked him, her voice hoarse from sleep. His gentle caress never wavered, even as he bent to place a light kiss on her pale, chapped lips. As he lifted his head, she caught sight of the sadness in those eyes, mixed with a hundred other emotions she could only name in silence.
But most of all, she recognized forgiveness in them.
There was no need of words to know his answer.
“I wanted to say it.” She spoke despite the pain welling up in her throat and eyes. Tears streamed down the sides of her pale face as she forced herself to continue, “I wanted to say it before I sleep, maybe for good this time.”
Whatever words he wanted to tell her caught in his throat. His expression reflected the surprise that he felt inside. So Alize truly was...
“I don’t know... h-how long I can hold o-on...” She stuttered, her breath catching in her throat as she desperately tried to keep her voice steady. He kissed her forehead again, caressing her cheek. “It’s alright. It’s alright.” The man whispered over and over again, for the benefit of Alize and himself. He kept his emotions locked up inside, afraid that once they had an outlet, it would all come crashing down. He had to be strong for her.
“I was the fool, Alize. If I hadn’t left you there, none of this would’ve happened. But it’s over now. It’s over. We can go back to the way we used to be.” He placed his forehead against hers, whispering to her, “It won’t be long. You’ll get better soon.” Selfish. So selfish.
“I will?” There was an almost childish hope in her tone.
He hesitated, pursing his lips as he placed some distance between them. He stared at her face, the once vibrant eyes now slowly clouding over with the haze of sleep. It was half a lie, he knew that. But he chose to believe in a fantasy rather than what reality had coldly offered to him before his very eyes. Seg nodded his reply, watching as her lips broke into a tired smile.
“Seg...?” Her words came out light and breathy. He almost hadn’t heard her. Seg scooted the chair closer to her bed. “What is it Alize?”
“Our first book...” She mumbled her reply, failing to stifle the yawn that followed. “I’m dreaming of that world... more often now... Could you read it to me? Like we used to?”
He nodded, unzipping his bag and pulling out a children’s storybook.
Like we used to. He repeated mentally as he flipped to the first page.
When he told her stories, she would draw pictures of that world he shared with her. A writer and an artist. Most had said they made a good couple. He had believed that as well. But now, that reality seemed impossible. Still, he wouldn’t give up. It would pain him to simply let her go.
He continued to tell her the story, his gentle baritone tone filled each word with feeling that stirred her thoughts, cradling her as a mother would rock her child to sleep. The words were like melody to her ears. She rode on them, falling into silence and allowing her imagination to recreate the blades of grass bending gently from the breeze, the multitude of butterflies fluttering about the flower fields, the majestic mountains lying beyond the horizon, the rolling waves on the sea that separated the shore from those mountains, and the aurora painted skies that looked like they were forever stopped in the moment between dawn and dusk.
This was the world she and him shared. That would never change.
Gently, she followed the compelling call of sleep, of whose hands brushed against her brow and took her by the arms, gently ushering her into the darkness behind it. Vaguely, she could feel the shift of the blanket, an item being placed beneath her limp hand and the soft touch of lips on her own. She mustered the strength to open her eyes, but all she could manage was a tiny slit. She saw the outline of Seg as he walked towards the door, pausing a moment to look back at her bed before opening the door and walking through it. She couldn’t hear the sound of the door closing in behind him.
“I love you, Seg...”
She couldn’t even hear her own words as she fell to the arms of sleep once again, continuing to dream of aurora filled skies and the caress of the wind at her face.
Tick... tock... tick... tock...
Went the beat of the clock on the bedside table, its steady and never ceasing thump the only sound that broke the silence of the room.
end entry.
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